way too early, clearly. It's one of those mornings when I'm killing time until it's a non-scary time to call my mom. If I call too early, she panics and I end up having to go to the doctor. I think I'm having maybe a really bad attack of rheumatoid. I hurt EVERYWHERE. Like, seriously, every joint I have is just killing me and I'm hot all over. This is miserable. And I have that wedding to go to tomorrow. It's FAR. Like, a couple hours each way in the car. Argh. I already RSVP'd. The present (a really fucking nice kitchen aid pasta maker attachment that I'd KILL to have but can't fucking afford and won't ever get to register for myself because I'm not allowed to get married /sickly whining) arrived yesterday. Fuck. The only thing I'm really worried about is the MASSIVE faux pas of not showing up to something you've rsvp'd for.

Maybe it's the cold snap? Who the fuck thought there'd be one in JULY?
I really really need to consider moving to florida. I can't live this way.

I'm having a bad time. Bleh.
Fuck.

I went to a marketing meeting dressed up like I was on Madmen. Full on floofy black and white polka dot skirt and pale pink cropped sweater, wasp waist and all. It was the only thing to motivate me to leave the house in that ridiculous storm. That was the worst weather I've driven Jill in yet. Scary.

Meeting was bleh, but at least I got paid and I got to bring my lovely new iphone. I'm guarding it with my life because I don't have the little skin for it yet. I'm hoping it arrives at some point soon. I need to make some ringtones, but for now, I'm just happy to have learned my new phone number without too much effort.

I have to take colin to the vet today. She needs her booster and, if she's got her adult teeth, she can have her rabies shot too. I'd like that to be the case. That way, she doesn't have to go back until the end of September to be spayed. I'm really sad that they'll keep her overnight, but she's a thin cat and the next day is kind of upsetting so it's for the best.

I really need to make fred's appointment. I've been lax because he's not a happy cat right now. He's wrestling with colin, but he's not being his old self toward jesse. I think he's physically tired. Colin rarely passes him without some kind of attack, which he does seem to enjoy. I mean, he's easily 3 times her size and if he wanted her to really stop, he could put her down in a second. One playful swat sends her flipping head over tail. There's not been a bite or a scratch. But still, it's ALL day, EVERY day, and this leaves little energy left over for when jesse wants to play with him. I think as colin ages and gets out of the 24 hour a day ninja mode it'll pass. She'll be less loony, and fred will be in better shape. He's already looking a lot more muscular than he did. I've read it can take up to a couple of months for everything to be fully normal after you bring home a new cat, so, we still have some time. I think it'll be ok though. Time just takes time. So, next week, I'll make Fred's appointment. Coddling only goes so far and it's no excuse for neglect. It's just a checkup and a booster, but I think it's important. At least he's got the ridiculous sleepypod to go in, that should make it a little bit better.

I really need to do some hair. This weekend, I think that's what's going down. Maybe even tomorrow. We shall see. I have burning man orders. Bleh.
I think I'm going to place a bunch of new plush toy orders for the shop too. I'm going to make some concrete decisions with the shop. Gotta pull up the bottom line. This is just what has to happen.
Being a grownup is foolish.

I'm at 47% lung function. Apparently, last time I was in , I was at 82 and we were upset about that. Hilarious! So, now I'm back on steroids. He says I probably felt so great in Vieques because I may have hit a miraculous 60% and for me, that would feel amazing. So at least a month on the steroids. He says I've been in a severe athsma attack for at least 8 weeks now and not treating it is going to cause damage. No matter how many inhalers I take, none are going to work because they're not getting IN there, it's too constricted. So, on with the sweaty, snacky, nightmare days. Already, knives were heavily featured in last night's dreams. Knives and some kind of concentration camp. Lovely.

I bought more dates. If I'm going to be miserable, I can at least enjoy my snacks. Hopefully they arrive tomorrow.

I have a million errands to run today. I also have to clean this house. I'm really in need of a check too, so lets hope at least 2 arrive today and one tomorrow.

Anyone going to comicon this year? There are some things I want/need. That's need with like, 8 e's.

that in addition to being a tremendous artist, Tim Burton must be charming, funny and fantastic in bed. Otherwise, how in the world would he feel so comfortable having his chick work with Johnny Depp on such an incredibly regular basis?

These are the things I think about when my mind wanders.

I harvested my first string beans this morning. They will be my lunch.

I have two houses to do, supposed to try to break into one. Then I come home and the first of the bathroom people will be here. I just want the project done. It's fucking nauseating in there. I want clean, white, serviceable. I'll put up vinyl decals for wessonality. The NEXT house will have a fabulous aliens bathroom.

Tomorrow I'm paid and I'll pay off the Amex. Whew. Bought a 4 year warranty for it today, this, of course, assures that it'll behave just fine.

All my plants need to eat again. I should mix up some food. When I get back though, right now, I really must go do those houses.

Ira. It's my cousin's name. But I said it with a southern accent "ahh rah."

but by the end, we were shooting a rap video and having a bbq out on the deck with 10 people. Crazyness. Sunny days are awesome. We've made friends with our neighbor and he and his buddies, after filming their video with jesse, hung out back with me and bonnie and marc and their friend sara and we all had a bbq. it was really neat. It feels good being social after so many weeks stuck inside in the rain, but man, I'm completely exhausted. I had to kind of whip up a LOT of food, really quickly. I made grilled chicken and baked spaghetti and steak fries and there was cole slaw and macaroni salad and hot dogs and veggie dogs and boca burgers. That's not bad for a quickie, I think.

Our neighbor has the most amazing bling bling watch I've ever seen. It's hypnotizing. He and his friends seemed surprised that I invited them to eat, which I don't get. They said "usually people just ask us to go!" That's weird. You're at someone's house, they should offer you food. It was cool though. And I was tickled that rappers, too, like baked spaghetti, because I'm a geek that way.

I think bonnie and I secured a gig to take photos at their upcoming events, which is super exciting as well. Really good for our portfolio. We could use events like that.

It's going to be a busy week. I have a stupid meeting tomorrow, tuesday I get a break, and wednesday I have the pulmonologist.

I'm already tired. Bleh, seriously.
I'm gonna watch a movie and surf the web a bit. Maybe I'll eat some cole slaw. I don't have it in me to deal with anything right now.

to dive into pulmonology issues again.

I've only got 30% lung function in the lower lobes.
I don't want to deal with this.
Noodle's over the moon with engagement.
Stu's busy with his engagement, which is engaging my mom, not to mention the issues with my aunt.
I don't want to freak out Jesse and when I'm upset, that's what happens.

Days like this, I miss Tuesday dearly.

it's going to be at my aunt's, all the usual suspects, (that means you!) are invited. I shall check if lindsay will be attending. That is all.

that I'm still losing weight, but ugggg, so SLOWLY. I'm now averaging .2 lbs a week for the past month. Over the whole time, it's 1lb a week. It's just so frustrating. I know it shouldn't be frustrating. But it IS. I'm in that home stretch, the last 10lbs or so, and I know that gets people, but jeez. Come ON. Thing is, I already have Colin and I look good, clothing fits well, I feel good, so I'm not in any rush, but I mean, I dunno, I just want to be DONE. What does that mean anyway? I kind of plan to stay on WW forever since I just cannot be trusted to go willy nilly all day, every day. I think I just gotta up the exercise. Sure would be nice if the SUN WOULD COME OUT. Grrr. Yeah, that is all.

Colin's colors continue to change. Now her orange sections are either tiger or leopard, depending on the section. She looks like she was put together by a committee, but that's ok, it was a pretty clever committee. I can't get whatever that black gunk is off of the bridge of her nose. Noodle says to just wait until her hair falls out and it'll grow back in properly, and I guess that's what I'll do.

Fred is mostly fred but a little bit dejected. I wonder how long it'll take for him to fully be fred. Any idea? I'm probably being impatient. Colin's not even been here for 3 full weeks. It took me YEARS after my mom brought home my brother to stop being homicidal. I think he just needs some time. And some sunny days out in the porch wouldn't hurt him either. He's being good, just a bit slow and sullen. He'll snuggle with me, but not Jesse. I think Jesse's not fully understanding the importance of outwardly shunning colin in front of fred. When fred comes in the room, I put colin on the floor. If fred's in my lap and colin comes up, she gets put on the floor. Fred's the king kitten, and I think he needs to feel that way. Jesse just misses his pal, but I'm sure he'll be back. Part of the problem is that fred used to take out his energy on jesse, challenging him to a wrestling match, but now he does it on colin. I'm sure it'll all work out, just gotta give it time. Jesse's not patient though, he keeps saying "you broke him!" He's mostly joking, but a little bit not.

I know it's the 22nd and I'll be getting paid really soon, but it's not soon enough. I'm having a mild, constant anxiety attack over the charge for the TV. I want it GONE. I HATE keeping a balance. It'll be gone before it's even on there a month, but I HATE having it there. Who the fuck puts a $2200 tv on their amex? Jesus. So scary. It'll be gone soon, I know it will, but till then, scary!! That tv is insanely swank though. A seriously sexy device. I'm thinking of having the UFC PPV here to celebrate the moments of its life, or something like that.

My aunt comes home today, but to my mom's house. She's vaguely kidnapped her and won't let her go back to her own house until my uncle "de-clutters." My uncle is a pack rat, of the kind of OCD variety. This could be a much more extended stay than one would imagine. I'm guessing that my aunt will leave once she's fully ambulatory and that her house will still be full of stuff. My poor dad. And he even had to go to a funeral on father's day. It's just so terrible, seriously. He's gonna lose it.

Oh! And on another note? Tiny ponies!

but the carrying strap was missing! Amazon says they're going to send a new one out right away. They're going to get the old one back with cat hair on it though, that's just the way it is.

Going to see the doc today because everyone's freaking out that I'm having night sweats and have a sore throat and a hurty chest and coughing and whatever else. I think it's just me at the end of my infusion cycle, I really do. Whatever though. It's not THAT big of a deal. Apparently, the sun is gonna come out today, so I think I'll return some cans too. Try to accomplish SOMETHING.

I need to get paid, that TV purchase really freaked me out. It was just, huge. It's putting off my hopes of actually saving this month, but, nothing to be done about it. I'm hoping I can get some side gigs from Jesse or something. That would be nice. Or at least some more houses, if it's ever not raining.

Colin's butt grows more orange every day. It's funny how kitten's colors change. Her face is still more yellow with orange stripes though. Jesse HATES it, but I absolutely love that she sleeps right in the bed, in our faces, and no matter how much you toss and turn, she just re-adjusts and snuggles back down. Fred tells you to go F yourself if you move and then he's up on the cable box for the rest of the night. How is THAT any fun? Fred's finally starting to really assert himself though, which is good, and he's been pushing colin aside and declaring his own snuggle time, which is great.

I think maybe colin has some kind of asian breed in her somewhere, apparently most of them have the roman noses. It's a funny look, a convex nose on a kitten, kind of gives her a *little* bit of a dopey face. I'm wondering how that'll look on an adult cat, though she looks less like a kitten than a very tiny adult cat, so likely, it'll look just the same.
She's licking my mouth. I hope I don't have the flu and if I do, I hope she can't catch it.

I dreamed I was up until 830am. What's the point of that?

I'd like to garden again today. I cut down most of a cherry tree the other day, to free up my lilac. Stupid cherry trees are EVERYWHERE. They're really pretty awful. I wouldn't mind if they were good trees, but these are just kind of the biggest weeds you could ever have. I think my lilac will be happy to be exposed to the sun.

I should go out and drain everyone.

I should get up and shower.

I should start moving in some way.

I'll do it after the mail comes.

night sweats and a sore throat and my chest hurts and i'm coughing. It's not the flu though, I mean, it can't be, right? I think it's just a lot of symptoms coming together to mimic the flu. Maybe I'm just really allergic to rain. Bah.

Colin did ok at the vet. They noted her weird roman nose, which, ok, it's weird, sure, but cute. Otherwise, they said she's doing really well. She has to get a booster in 3 weeks and if she's lost her baby teeth by then, she can get her rabies shot. If not, another 3 weeks. I'm hoping we find some of the baby teeth. I'd like to keep them.
I think fred actually missed her while she was gone for the day. They've been together since she got home. She slept SO hard last night, I thought she died. Her arms were floppy, her head was floppy, I was able to move her with no response. I think she just had a REALLY long day for a kitten. Drive to my mom's, explore that house, play with a 5 year old for quite a while, investigate the yard, meet dogs, back in the crate, drive out to northport, get shots and investigated by the vet, back in the box, drive all the way back home. If you were only 11 weeks old, that would put you in a coma too.

The sleepypod should come today. No more going to the vet in that ghetto carrier for either kitten. It's just unacceptable.

I got my notes back on the wedding pieces. Everything is perfect, no changes. Got more assignments. I don't think this thing will really take off, but, selfishly, I really do hope that it does because it'd be nice to be the head writer for a successful thing, you know? Site launches on Sept. 1, so we'll see.

I'm hungry. I should write and do food shopping and return cans. I don't feel like doing any of it. I gotta call my mom, I'm not sure I can take lindsay tomorrow. This stinks. Bah humbug.

I only had one coughing fit. I re-sprayed the cepacol and went back to sleep. Cepacol is awesome. Between that, and the sudafed and the cough medicine I bought but haven't used yet, I may get out of this horrible allergy cycle. My burned uvula is also feeling a little better. Whew. I might actually get to eat real sized food today. I'm sick of soup and pasta, seriously.

It's raining so hard right now. What a miserable day. Where the heck is summer, seriously?

Jamie says he's going to see about having his brother's bachelor party in Vieques. I am ABSOLUTELY going to that. I told them first of all, I'm the coolest chick ever, so I don't want to hear that crap. Second of all, I'll totally avoid them the whole time (and, honestly, out of everyone invited to this thing, I'm the most likely to get with a chick anyhoo) if that's what it takes. I'm really head over heels for Vieques, man, Seriously. However, at some point, I really want to get a group of my people together. For the living quarters, it'd cost each of 12 people $625 for a week. That doesn't include food or plane tickets, but that's a pretty good deal for a whole week in paradise. Now I just gotta come up with 10 other people who all have the same time off in winter. Oh my. I just think it'd be a rad time. So, yeah, that's what I'd like to do.
I'm going to see Dr. B on the 25th. I'm looking forward to it. I haven't seen him in ages and my life is really together right now, I'm thin, happy and productive and it's nice to have good news for a change.

I'm getting good feedback on my portfolio site. It's www.florenceivy.com if you haven't been. And if you haven't, you really should, because, I mean, yay!

I have to go to a stupid meeting today. I don't want to. Meetings are DUMB. Still, I need money.
I found a good pet insurance that I'm likely to get for fred and colin. it's $156 a year for full reimbursement with a $200 deductible and it covers catastrophic illness like cancer. I cannot have money be an issue if something happens. I just can't, it's too upsetting.
I have to order dye today.
I have a lot to do today actually.
Bah, I guess I'll do that.
Stink!

Fred only wants colin's food.
Colin only wants fred's food.
What to do?
I tried to separate them, no go.
So, plan b, mix it up. Everyone gets both foods in one bowl. Kitten gets nutrients, fred doesn't get obese. Should be ok, no? I hope so, because I'm starting to think they're teaming up on this.

I coughed so hard I puked. What the hell, man? I've tried three different kinds of allergy pills and this cough has been here since I got back from Vieques. That, combined with this burn in my mouth = NOT HAPPY!
I don't have my Dr. B appointment till the 25th. I actually need his allergy half more than his immunology half right now. This is totally awful.

I forgot some things in my kitten haze:

My praying mantids hatched! They are SO CUTE! I scattered them about the yard yesterday and they're still here. Hopefully eating jerks. Not eating enough though, I definitely have to pick up some more ladybugs at Holly's. Aphids are unstoppable, and my roses this year? Gorgeous. They need to be defended.

What else. Hmm. My parents have gone off the deep end. They're fighting and fighting because my mom spends every waking second either with, fretting about, or crying over my aunt. It's making my dad ape. He threatened divorce, though it was probably just steam. I don't blame him. So, noodle will be running back here tonight I think because she can't stay with that craziness. She's planning to bring her new boyfriend over. He's banned from my mom's house because he has tattoos. Just like noodle, and me. Wtf? She's just insane. I dunno. Noodle's happy with new guy. He's a rockabilly welder. She's in blue collar heaven. She LOVES blue collar men. Me, I prefer a chrome collar, but to each his own. We're almost fully back to sisterness, it's neat. We talk about our insane mom and boys and kittens. Whew.

I'm working a LOT, but it's mostly writing and I love it. Speaking of which, I have to go hunt down john. I now have two research assistants and 50% of them shirking their duties!

In talking to bonnie I figured out that Jesse's 2 fears on this issue are 1- I'm a closet hoarder and we're going to have a million cats. I get that. I AM a plant hoarder. I clearly LOVE my plants and I always seem to be coming home with new ones, slowly filling up the house with them. However, they all LOOK sane. That is, no one has EVER come into our house and been like "shit, that's a LOT of plants." Largely because before I purchase the plant, I consider where it's home will be (winter and summer) and also because a lot of the plants I have are actually quite small. Just a couple of large showpieces and those really do pull the rooms together. Strangely, his #2 fear? I'll pick a "bad" kitten. One that won't roughhouse with him, or play nicely with fred, or is just lame. That's weird, but, ok. He feels fred is THE best cat on earth (I can't argue) and that a new cat will just stink.
With all that in mind, his initial response upon seeing colin was that "oy" face. But he was kissing her within 5 minutes (the whole way home, I coached her to "sell, sell, sell!" She did a good job. Then last night, with our friends over, she went into full blown kitten clown mode in between bouts of snuggling with everyone and DESPERATELY trying to get fred to like her. So, all the insane amounts of stress I was having from thursday to saturday afternoon? Gone now. We're ok. Whew.
Jesse and I have so few bouts of friction, even the possibility of one just kills me. It's awful. I slept about 4 hours on friday night from anxiety. I'm really glad it's over.

In other news. I WOLFED lasagne last night and really really burned my hard palate. It HURTS. I shall be living on ices and yogurt for a couple of days, methinks.

She's fighting the zombie and the killer klown now. I really have to take pictures. And I REALLY hope she takes to fred's litter box shortly, it's so much nicer when your cats have their own private bathroom. She's good about the box, but this one is just stinky to the max. I bought a new one for her yesterday, I'll probably bring that one in today. She's so small, it's hard for her to get over the lip on this one. I moved the one she's using over to the door of fred's bathroom, and I've seen her using hers, and she's much more fastidious 655888s about the covering than fred is. she is, admittedly, a REALLY girly kitten. i need to buy her a collar and bell too. SHe's a silent ninja. 455555hhhb aaaaaaaa (that's from colin.) i hope the vacuum doesn't flip her out today. this house needs it, badly.
Pictures coming, I swear!

AWESOME! And, given time, fred might even play with her. Right now, he just kinda thinks she's an idiot, but he's considering.

so, I'm REALLY hoping there's not a jesse showdown with this kitten situation. My feelings are, I take care of fred, I buy the food, I buy the medicine, I pay for the vet. I feed him, clip his nails, etc. etc. This will be the same for the kitten. His feeling seems to be "I don't want another kitten right now." I feel that I want the kitten more than he doesn't want it, and god knows he's going to play with this thing constantly. I've worked really hard on my weight, and I look really f'n good. I really am an awesome gf and I really really want this. So, if it comes down to it, we'll have an actual talk. Bleh, but, is it worth it? You tell me. Here she is:





She's getting tested today. If she's FIV and Feline Leukemia negative, I'm prepared for battle.

Noodle was bummed because the one eyed cat was gone. But, she found this one, who has special needs and she still gets to feel like a hero:


She's absolutely stunning. And you can't see it in this picture, but on her chest is this perfect marbled patch of clear orange white and black and it's amazing. She's also very sweet and snuggly. So, yeah. That one's a definite, just hoping mine works out. I really feel I deserve this. I don't ask for much. Come ON!

that's today's plan.
Noodle's going for her:



She's got one eye, and she's stunning. Noodle wants to adopt an older cat that no one will love. She's feeling the need to rescue. Better this than some asshole boy if you ask me.

I put in an application for her:


I know, I have 12 (maybe 11) pounds to go now, but come ON, LOOK at her! She makes my head explode. I'm sure she's already been adopted, but, what the heck. The application will still be good and they never seem to stop making kittens, you know? Yeah. Oy.

Also, we're getting gutters today, so, you know, that's really awesome too.
The rainbarrel came, so I'll now have a permanent supply of water for my carnivorous plants. It's not shabby looking either.

Also, the dyson came. Dyson, you rock. Woot.

Also, the dress came, I look crazy hot in it and I feel like the redheaded secretary in mad men when I wear it. So, yeah, that's all good. Really, it's just about all good right now, except that cough. Gotta get on this cough. Jesse insists it's allergies. I have Dr. B on the 25th, so we shall see.

in the anti kitten armor. Yesterday, Joey called up and said someone brought in 3 orange, day old kittens (his gf works at a vet.) One is so small it's on a ventilator. Jesse spoke to him first and I KNEW from the tone of his voice that kittens were being discussed and he said "not just yet." Which is amazingly better than "no way." And, when I got on the phone with Joey, I said, well, they really have to be at least 8 weeks old before they're good to go and I'd like to get one for my birthday, so maybe then (8 weeks = end of july, birthday = 8/14? boo yah!) and Jesse didn't even make a blurg face. So, yes, maybe. Thing is, and is this awful? I want an ORANGE kitten. Not like, that yellow that people call orange. My dream is a calico with deep orange, like a bizarro fred, since he's a dilute tortie. I'm also hoping for freakishly small, but I'm always hoping for that. I have a weird affinity for freakishly small "normal" pets. That is, not pets bred to be small, like teacup yorkies, but like, runts. It's a bad affinity. Runts are often small for a reason and they're not the best stock and it leads to heartbreak. But, still, I do love small. Though, bobby was a FREAKISHLY huge corgi, and he ruined me for all dogs forever, so you never know. Also, kelev was a FREAKISHLY huge poodle and he definitely kicked 6 different kinds of ass. God, I have lost my ability to love a dog. I've met the best dogs in the world and they're all gone now. So sad.
Anyway, yeah, so kitten, maybe? I'm going too see if I can visit the kitten and check it out. I still have dreams of this calico situation. I feel awful wanting a specific color. I don't know why. Maybe because fred just came to us and he's the best and color had nothing to do with it. But this kitten, it's PLANNED, so, yeah, I feel like I should get to choose. Silly or not.

My allergies are OFF THE CHAIN. My eyes itch, my throat feels like a dirty Israeli army blanket is stuffed in there (if you've felt one, you know), and my ears itch deep in my throat. Even JESSE is miserable, and he doesn't do allergies. Is this revenge of the trees? Maybe, we cut a LOT of branches off yesterday and more shall follow. Take that, trees!

I'm so behind on work, it's scary. I've been avoiding hair work that MUST get done today, no questions asked.
Tomorrow my florenceivy.com site launches. It's GORGEOUS. I love it. Very very happy with that.
Tuesday I have a terrible meeting which is going to ruin my pre-infusion crab eating. Hopefully that doesn't bone me too badly.
Wednesday is stabbing.
Too much work. And I have maybe 5 articles to get done by june 12, 2 of which are epic length.
Blurgh.
I'll get it done. It's just a *leetle* overwhelming.
Sign.