may not have gone that well for me, due to the balloon like quality of my head and neck from prednisone related moon face. It's really hard to imagine yourself looking pretty in anything when you're concerned that you might be mistaken for a thanksgiving day float. I'll try again another day, really, I will. And I only got slightly teary once. It would be nice if my mom would just accept that I find it upsetting instead of telling me that I'm being "obsessive" about it. Here's the thing. My mom is fat. She's been fat the whole time I've known her. Her weight goes up and down, but she's a big lady. I am not fat. I'm not skinny in any way, shape, or form, but I've never been really fat. Right now? My head and neck? They're fat, and it's fucking freaking me out. How about letting me just be a bit freaked out right now, huh? Christ.

Noodle got a dress for stu's wedding and her wedding dress. She looks great in both of them. I'm now pretty entirely sure that noodle uses a combination of puking and fasting to maintain that waifness. Not that she's puking up every meal, but if she feels like eating a normal meal, there's little chance it's staying down. A casual bulimic I suppose. It makes sense. She's from the same genetic pool as the rest of us, how the fuck would she turn out to be a waif? However, she does tan, and really, no amount of puking can explain that one. I have to say I'm jealous. Years of fighting against vomiting have made it difficult, if not impossible to make myself puke on command. Bah humbug. I'd kill to walk into a store with those freaky tiny staff people and have them not cast a dubious eye upon me. Whatever.

On a positive note, I was feeling so grim from the whole dress shopping failure (and seriously, it wasn't just my balloon head, there was NOTHING I wanted in any of these stores. Everything is ugly. Does anyone have any suggestions for a dress? I'm looking for a mad men style party dress, I need two of them. One for november and one for june. Help me, PLEASE!) that when we went to ikea to get the votives and vases for the centerpieces, I bought a totally awesome bathrobe. It's floor length and hooded and bright red and makes me look like I'm entering a cult. It's snuggly and velveteen on the outside and terry on the inside. Clearly, it will need to be washed alone about 6 times before it can hang out with friends in the machine, but I really do like it. I also got way too many heart shaped ornaments to hang on the tree and in the house come winter and a pair of glass chickens wearing black crowns because you don't know how much you need glass chickens wearing crowns until you see them in front of you.

I'm bringing colin in for surgery today. She's having the surgery tomorrow but I have to drop her off today so they can not feed her overnight. She'll be alone in a cage, She's going to cry, it's going to be upsetting. I'm wondering if I should bring her squirrel with her, or her sucky blanket. I don't know if they'll let her keep them with her in the cage. Once she's spayed, she's officially ours. No more fostering. It's going to be an hour drive with her crying the whole way. That should be fun.

If there's any sort of justice, when I get home, there will be a HUGE BOX OF DYE at my house. HUGE. Then I'll spend the night putting away laundry and packing orders and all will be right with the world.

Tomorrow is pulmonologist. He's going to tell me I'm off steroids. He is. That's what he's going to say. And my head and appetite will shrink. And He'll say I can go to the gym if I take it easy. and I'll lose these last 15 lbs or so. I'll be smaller and happy and I'll find THE dress and everything will be fine. Right? Right. Yeah.
Also, I'll stop with the night cheese.